I haven't posted in a while because as a wife and a woman going through this hardship, I am struggling. I have debated whether being vulnerable in this manner was the best choice, but I really just need to express my sentiments as they are consuming me.
You have probably read this in a previous blog of mine and I can assure that you will read it again in the future, but when it comes to matters of the brain, you won't know it until your in it; that is to say, it is an unfathomable situation until its knocked at your doorstep.
It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that 4 months ago, the biggest worry that my husband and I had was whether we wanted to go to Myrtle Beach, SC to celebrate Valentines Day or whether we wanted to save that money and go all out for his 26th birthday on March 29, 2013. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever realized back then that I was spending the last few months that I had with my husband, as I always knew him. I could have never imagined that I would have to make life or death decisions on medical choices that we had never even had time to discuss in our short 1.5 years of marriage. I could have never imagined that there would be a possibility that he would never walk or be able to hold me with both arms due to left side paralysis attributed to severe toning. I never could have imagined that I would lose a part of my husband that I would possibly never be able to attain again and that I would be forced to re-learn, re-understand and re-love him.
Don't mistake the above words for ungratefulness. I thank God every spare moment I have that my husband is still here with me. I thank God for all the things he has shown me that my husband still can do. I am so thankful that although my husband may not be able to use both arms to hug me, he makes sure to hug me extra tight and extra long with his one extremity to make up for the non-working one. I am so thankful that although my husband has some pretty radical personality changes, that I can still look at him and know exactly what he is feeling, when he is feeling it. I am so thankful that although I didn't have time to speak with him about the medical choices that I had to make when he was incapacitated, that he assures me that I clearly made the right choices since he is still here. Finally, I am thankful for the fact that I still have his irrevocable love and unfailing faith because above all that shows me that through all the changes his heart is still very much mine, which is more than many people have.
I am extremely and immensely grateful...
But I cannot help but get caught in dwelling on the fact that there are so many things that we as individuals take for granted in life. We all know that inevitably, we will reach "our time;" our time to leave this life and embrace the unknown, whatever that may be. And although we know and can speak the words, "No one is promised tomorrow," we still say that without having the realization of the severity, seriousness and magnitude of those words, that is, until we are catapulted into a predicament that jolts us into reality. This situation has given me such a new perspective on life, and I suppose my struggle is between my mind and my heart. This realization has taught my mind to be more cynical, more brutally realistic and yet, it has simultaneously taught my heart to be more hopeful and faith driven. I cannot get a grasp of my feelings and it is such a conflict for me. I don't know if I should grieve for losing a part of my husband or rejoice in him still being alive. And if I can do both, I don't know how to. What is too much grieving or too much rejoicing? Where is the balance?
When I look at my husband, I am overjoyed to have him infront of me, and to hear him talk to me; however, I cannot help but also think about the journey we have ahead and how we are currently travelling blindly on this journey. We don't know where we will end up, we don't know when or how we will begin to feel normal again, all we know is that the journey will be one of great length and difficulty. I suppose one could say that at any point during a given journey, one experiences great difficulty, but the difference here is we have a previous life to compare things to; a life of simplicity. A life with a little less ambuiguity. A life where a lot more things can be set in stone. I am envious of others who have that simplicity and I yern to have the ignorance of having such simplicity because no one who has simplicity ever realizes how much of a gift it is.
When couples walk in the park, they do so with ease, poise and grace; it is effortless.
I don't know that I will ever be able to walk beside my husband ever again.
When couples talk or dispute with each other, they can easily and effectively communicate their sentiments to their significant other and it is relatively easy for that person to understand what is trying to be communicated.
I don't know that we will ever have the level of communication and understanding that we once had.
When couples dance, they hold each other close, the male always leads with precision and coordination.
I have only ever danced with my husband once-
and I am not sure that he will ever have the precision, coordination or physical strength to lead me in a dance again.
When couples want an escape, they can pick up and leave on a spur of the moment getaway.
I am not sure that we will ever be able to engage in such sponteneity as every aspect of a vacation will need to be planned throughly.
I could literally go on forever with a list of things that were once things that I never thought twice about. As I stated before, I am so thankful that my husband is still with me. It just breaks my heart that we are only 23 and 26 years old and having to go through such a lifelong hardship.
I keep wishing that this is all just a very vivid and elaborate bad dream and that eventually, I will wake up and be beside my perfectly normal and coherent husband who will wake up from my jolt in bed and whisper in my ear that this was all a nightmare. So far, it hasn't happened.
I know I am usually completely positive...
I try to be.
But I figured that by allowing myself to demonstrate the darker moments of this journey (from my perspective), I would not only be able to get through them but also, I would be depicting the most true aspect of being connected to an individual who has sustained this type of injury. And it is just like I said in my first blog, my intent is to help others, like others have helped me.
Stay SAFE, Stay STRONG, Take CARE and Have HOPE..
Not every moment is going to be a glorious one. There will be points that are high, there will be points that will be low. Don't let anyone ever tell you how you should be feeling. You have every right to feel how you feel. If you are angry, BE ANGRY. If you are sad, BE SAD. Don't be afraid to break down. Don't be afraid to step away. Don't feel guilty for having alone time, YOU deserve it. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, never let anyone take away your miracle.
...And I promise, I will be posting more blogs soon to catch you all up on the progress.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Taco Tuesday!
Donte's diet got moved up to "regular" this week meaning that he has the green light to eat whatever he wants! Naturally, with being married to a Latina, he chose his first outside "regular" meal to be Spanish food! Haha! Here are some pictures of my little fatty indulging in his first meal on his regular diet!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Coming Around
I realized I hadn't posted in a few days and thought I would share some progression with those of you following. I am not sure if I ever mentioned this, but I am really not good with keeping up with blogs. I tried a make-up blog, I tried a weight loss blog and both of those efforts were futile because I never followed through with more than about 5 or 6 posts. I am really making a genuine effort here with this one because it isn't for me, it's for Donte. I always mean to write, but my life is so disheveled that sometimes I can't even remember to eat or wash my clothing.
You know, I remember when Donte came back from Iraq like it was yesterday. Initially we were so overwhelmed with love and happiness that we were finally united again, but after some time we began to realize that although our love for each other was the same, the long distance and the different experiences with the deployment distanced us a little bit because we both had a different perspective and had a hard time understanding the other persons perspective. Donte knew what it was like to be the one leaving and I knew what it was like to be the one left behind. It took us a while to realize that although we would never know exactly what the other person went through, the experiences were equally as hard, just in different ways. When Donte was in Iraq, he was risking his life, daily. He had to go out on hard missions, deal with small living quarters and was pretty much cut off from communication with a majority of his family members. I was left behind with memories of him, was always fearful of whether the next mission would be his last and I dealt with the loneliness of the love of my life not being at my disposal like he once was.
I think that the same thing applies in present situation, which is why I tell Donte that we are both fighting this fight together. Donte has to work hard through all of his therapies and has to deal the medications, the blood samples, the procedures, the cultures, the X-rays and being in the hospital all the time with out being able to make complete movements on his own. I cannot imagine the frustration he is dealing with and frankly I give him entirely more credit because if the shoe had been on the other foot, I am not sure that I would be able to keep my composure as he does; Donte always has been the calmer soul out of the two of us.
In turn, I have to handle the bills, I have to continue working when I want to be by his side, I am paying the hospital bills, I have to keep a strong face for everyone, I have to live in the house where the accident occurred, I have to sleep in the bed we once shared, I have to manage my life in order to be able to care for him adequately; need I remind everyone that we are only 26 and 23 years old? We are fighting a long and excruciating battle at a very young age, I keep telling myself that the biggest problems we should have are: when are we going to have kids? And where do we want to live?
And at one point our problems were even more trivial than that- but life has a funny way of pulling the rug from under you with no warning at all. I am not angered by my situation though, because moments like this have a way of deeply humbling you and making you realize what life is really meant for. This accident took a lot a way from us, but it also gave us a lot more. I could be a widow right now, many woman are. I could have a husband who is in a coma. I could have a husband with the cognitive abilities of a toddler. But I don't. I have a husband who smiles whenever he sees me and who tells me that I make him feel safe. I have a husband who thanks me for everything I do. I have a husband who waits until he believes I am sleeping to use his last little bit of energy to give me kisses on my cheek and forehead. I have a husband who can tell me about his day and how he is feeling. I have a husband who can hold my hand and hug me and who can wipe my tears away when I cry. Shoot, I have A HUSBAND. This event was one that is deeply unfortunate but this unfortunate event has shown me how lucky we are to have one and other, still.
And Donte continues to make gains. This week he went from a total assistance required (meaning he needs 100% assistance) to a moderate assistance required (meaning he needs 50% assistance) in his squat pivot from the bed to his wheelchair. Donte's feeding tube got removed, so he is FREE of all things that God did not give him and he got a tentative date of release: May 15, 2013! I hope that date holds true because it is so nice to have something tangible to count down to; that puts my type A, planning personality to ease. Donte is also no longer whispering. He has found his voice. It isn't exactly the "Donte" voice I remember, but I can hear him in there; plus I hear it takes up to a year to voices to gravitate to a level or normalcy.
Donte always use to ask me why he had such "bad luck." I always told him that he has bad luck in trivial things because when the big things come his way he ALWAYS gets lucky. Donte is the type of person to buy a winning lottery ticket and lose it, which is in lucky, but he is also the type of person who walks into his first interview for the job of his dreams, stutters and perspires through the whole interview and gets a job offer like an hour after interviewing. I used to say "Babe, you can't have it all. God makes gave you luck where it counts..."
He survived a gun shot wound to the right and left frontal lobes of his brain and is still cognitively coherent, with language fully intact and improving mobility...
I'd say that is luck where it counts,
Wouldn't you?
Stay safe, Stay strong, Take care and Have HOPE!
Kelli
You know, I remember when Donte came back from Iraq like it was yesterday. Initially we were so overwhelmed with love and happiness that we were finally united again, but after some time we began to realize that although our love for each other was the same, the long distance and the different experiences with the deployment distanced us a little bit because we both had a different perspective and had a hard time understanding the other persons perspective. Donte knew what it was like to be the one leaving and I knew what it was like to be the one left behind. It took us a while to realize that although we would never know exactly what the other person went through, the experiences were equally as hard, just in different ways. When Donte was in Iraq, he was risking his life, daily. He had to go out on hard missions, deal with small living quarters and was pretty much cut off from communication with a majority of his family members. I was left behind with memories of him, was always fearful of whether the next mission would be his last and I dealt with the loneliness of the love of my life not being at my disposal like he once was.
I think that the same thing applies in present situation, which is why I tell Donte that we are both fighting this fight together. Donte has to work hard through all of his therapies and has to deal the medications, the blood samples, the procedures, the cultures, the X-rays and being in the hospital all the time with out being able to make complete movements on his own. I cannot imagine the frustration he is dealing with and frankly I give him entirely more credit because if the shoe had been on the other foot, I am not sure that I would be able to keep my composure as he does; Donte always has been the calmer soul out of the two of us.
In turn, I have to handle the bills, I have to continue working when I want to be by his side, I am paying the hospital bills, I have to keep a strong face for everyone, I have to live in the house where the accident occurred, I have to sleep in the bed we once shared, I have to manage my life in order to be able to care for him adequately; need I remind everyone that we are only 26 and 23 years old? We are fighting a long and excruciating battle at a very young age, I keep telling myself that the biggest problems we should have are: when are we going to have kids? And where do we want to live?
And at one point our problems were even more trivial than that- but life has a funny way of pulling the rug from under you with no warning at all. I am not angered by my situation though, because moments like this have a way of deeply humbling you and making you realize what life is really meant for. This accident took a lot a way from us, but it also gave us a lot more. I could be a widow right now, many woman are. I could have a husband who is in a coma. I could have a husband with the cognitive abilities of a toddler. But I don't. I have a husband who smiles whenever he sees me and who tells me that I make him feel safe. I have a husband who thanks me for everything I do. I have a husband who waits until he believes I am sleeping to use his last little bit of energy to give me kisses on my cheek and forehead. I have a husband who can tell me about his day and how he is feeling. I have a husband who can hold my hand and hug me and who can wipe my tears away when I cry. Shoot, I have A HUSBAND. This event was one that is deeply unfortunate but this unfortunate event has shown me how lucky we are to have one and other, still.
And Donte continues to make gains. This week he went from a total assistance required (meaning he needs 100% assistance) to a moderate assistance required (meaning he needs 50% assistance) in his squat pivot from the bed to his wheelchair. Donte's feeding tube got removed, so he is FREE of all things that God did not give him and he got a tentative date of release: May 15, 2013! I hope that date holds true because it is so nice to have something tangible to count down to; that puts my type A, planning personality to ease. Donte is also no longer whispering. He has found his voice. It isn't exactly the "Donte" voice I remember, but I can hear him in there; plus I hear it takes up to a year to voices to gravitate to a level or normalcy.
Donte always use to ask me why he had such "bad luck." I always told him that he has bad luck in trivial things because when the big things come his way he ALWAYS gets lucky. Donte is the type of person to buy a winning lottery ticket and lose it, which is in lucky, but he is also the type of person who walks into his first interview for the job of his dreams, stutters and perspires through the whole interview and gets a job offer like an hour after interviewing. I used to say "Babe, you can't have it all. God makes gave you luck where it counts..."
He survived a gun shot wound to the right and left frontal lobes of his brain and is still cognitively coherent, with language fully intact and improving mobility...
I'd say that is luck where it counts,
Wouldn't you?
Stay safe, Stay strong, Take care and Have HOPE!
Kelli
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Happy Birthday Baby!
Birthdays are always special- but to me, the magnitude of a birthday and it being a celebration of life changes it's level of importance. This year- Donte turned 26 and the day really did start off harder for me than I expected. I woke up really angry because of the situation that he was in; I was mad that he was in the hospital, I was mad that he had to spend a birthday in the hospital and I was flustered by the thought of what Donte and I would be doing on this day, had none of this ever happened.
Somewhere during the day- I got some level of peace because I thought to myself that although this day was a bad one, it could still be worse: Donte could be unresponsive or unable to talk, Donte could still be in ICU in a coma or a vegetative state or, worse, I could have been going to visit Donte at his grave. This all goes back to counting blessings. Although I struggled with my day, I didn't burden Donte with that because I wanted his day to be as happy as possible, which is was. Donte had therapy, he went on an outing with the other patients on his floor- he went to Dairy Queen and got a blizzard, Donte had an amazing dinner from my parents: steak, shrimp, sautéed vegetables, piña colada and rice pudding, and Donte had a surprise party with some of his nearest and dearest. He laughed and smiled more than I have seen him in weeks. It really warmed my heart to see him so happy and excited. Seeing all of his loved ones surround him made him put a lot into perspective for me in making me realize that this is one year of many years. We have all had a "shitty" birthday that we can remember but there is always a "phenomenal" birthday that can be remembered as well. Considering everything I did to make his day perfect, I would say he had a pretty great day, but as the year goes on and Donte progresses the joys in life like birthdays and vacations will get better.
Donte is a goal oriented man who has made a tremendous improvement since being admitted. The doctors have informed me that he has defied many odds and that his case is quite remarkable. They have advised of what they are hopeful for (i.e., they do believe he may walk again) and they have advised what they don't think will happen (i.e., they don't he will be able to return to work), but I take all of that will a grain of salt because at one point the doctors thought Donte would not survive the week. It is any man's guess what my husbands gains will be, but in truth, it is only God's decision. I believe in my husband even when others are not as hopeful and even when he himself is not hopeful, I believe in him enough for everyone because I know his strength and have seen his strength in numerous facets. Donte LOVES and THRIVES off of proving people wrong and surprising them. God does things with a purpose and whatever his reason for keeping Donte here, the point is that Donte is here and he has a destiny to fulfill. If Donte never walks again- then fine, he still is very much aware cognitively and there are many many great things that have been done by those with physical deficits (i.e., someone gave me a good example with Steven Hawkings, thought to be the most intelligent man and physicist in the world but has paralysis from the neck down). Donte will still be able to do so much and I cannot wait to see his gains in the coming weeks because I am confident that he will realize how far he has come.
On that positive note, I will leave you with some pictures of the party!
Stay safe, Stay strong, Take care and Have HOPE!
Kelli
Somewhere during the day- I got some level of peace because I thought to myself that although this day was a bad one, it could still be worse: Donte could be unresponsive or unable to talk, Donte could still be in ICU in a coma or a vegetative state or, worse, I could have been going to visit Donte at his grave. This all goes back to counting blessings. Although I struggled with my day, I didn't burden Donte with that because I wanted his day to be as happy as possible, which is was. Donte had therapy, he went on an outing with the other patients on his floor- he went to Dairy Queen and got a blizzard, Donte had an amazing dinner from my parents: steak, shrimp, sautéed vegetables, piña colada and rice pudding, and Donte had a surprise party with some of his nearest and dearest. He laughed and smiled more than I have seen him in weeks. It really warmed my heart to see him so happy and excited. Seeing all of his loved ones surround him made him put a lot into perspective for me in making me realize that this is one year of many years. We have all had a "shitty" birthday that we can remember but there is always a "phenomenal" birthday that can be remembered as well. Considering everything I did to make his day perfect, I would say he had a pretty great day, but as the year goes on and Donte progresses the joys in life like birthdays and vacations will get better.
Donte is a goal oriented man who has made a tremendous improvement since being admitted. The doctors have informed me that he has defied many odds and that his case is quite remarkable. They have advised of what they are hopeful for (i.e., they do believe he may walk again) and they have advised what they don't think will happen (i.e., they don't he will be able to return to work), but I take all of that will a grain of salt because at one point the doctors thought Donte would not survive the week. It is any man's guess what my husbands gains will be, but in truth, it is only God's decision. I believe in my husband even when others are not as hopeful and even when he himself is not hopeful, I believe in him enough for everyone because I know his strength and have seen his strength in numerous facets. Donte LOVES and THRIVES off of proving people wrong and surprising them. God does things with a purpose and whatever his reason for keeping Donte here, the point is that Donte is here and he has a destiny to fulfill. If Donte never walks again- then fine, he still is very much aware cognitively and there are many many great things that have been done by those with physical deficits (i.e., someone gave me a good example with Steven Hawkings, thought to be the most intelligent man and physicist in the world but has paralysis from the neck down). Donte will still be able to do so much and I cannot wait to see his gains in the coming weeks because I am confident that he will realize how far he has come.
On that positive note, I will leave you with some pictures of the party!
Stay safe, Stay strong, Take care and Have HOPE!
Kelli
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Counting Blessings (A blog of my thoughts)
I have always considered myself a blessed person. I have two healthy parents who are absolutely crazy about each other, I am an only child and have always been spoiled beyond belief, I have always been the type of person who is surrounded by positive and caring friends who would do anything to support me, and I have the most amazing husband in the entire world who loves me for me. I have definitely seen some hard times and times of struggle, but all in all, I feel like my life has been wonderful thus far.
In the past 8 weeks of my life, so many things have changed. To name just a few, I am now the sole provider for my family, a "date night" for my husband and I now consists of me going to his hospital room and cuddling until we fall asleep, I have become very knowledgeable on matters of the brain and over all health, and I rarely have a moment of true relaxation. Donte and I once valued and prioritized in a certain way, and although at the time, the things we valued were of great importance, now we are understanding what truly matters; life has a funny way of using certain situations to clearly allow you to differentiate "wants" and "needs."
As many things that have changed in my life, there is a lot that hasn't changed at all. My parents are still crazy about each other, my friends are still positive and would still do any and everything to demonstrate their love and support and I still have the most amazing husband in the world who loves me for me. Most importantly, even through this horrible situation, I still feel extremely blessed.
My husband is an amazing man and he is the strongest being that I have ever met in my entire life. I love him irrevocably and this situation has truly shown me the strength of our love and the importance of the vows that we made to each other on our wedding day. My husband and I were blessed when we met in 2007- because we were able to find love in its purest and truest form at the ages 18 and 20. There are some people who go their entire lives without finding love, there are people who die in pursuit of love. When things were a little more unknown with his medical stability and condition, I told my mother that as much as I want Donte to live, if he doesn't, I would not hold any hostility towards God or towards Donte because at the end of the day, I had found the love of my life and was able to spend a half decade with him by my side making memories filled with love and laughter. I told my mother that for that simple fact I was extremely blessed. Now that I know that Donte is in a wonderful medical position and now that I know he is progressing beautifully, I feel even more blessed because as lucky as we were to find love in each other the first time, we are even more blessed that God has allowed us a second chance at life and love again. I can firmly say that through the pain and tears that this situation has caused, my husband and I are falling in love with one and other all over again.
Sometimes in the darkest of tragedies, one finds the most blessings..
(Donte actually said that to me once..)
(Quick Donte Update: Rehab is going well- Donte is working hard and is a patient and pleasant individual to work with. His team of doctors, nurses, and therapists met today to discuss his progress. They have concluded that they expect Donte's stay to be between 4-6 weeks long, so by using that length of time, I have configured that Donte's discharge date will either be on April 17, 2013 OR May 1, 2013. He is getting his "tent" bed removed because he has been quite vocal in letting those around him know that he feels like a "caged dog in a kennel." In addition he has been able to eat 50% or more in all of his meals since he came to Rehab and has been taking his medication orally, crushed up in applesauce so they are looking to remove the feeding tube as soon as possible. Donte still requires maximum assistance on a majority of his movements but his therapists are saying that they are feeling more of his efforts to assist in every day movements and balancing.)
In the past 8 weeks of my life, so many things have changed. To name just a few, I am now the sole provider for my family, a "date night" for my husband and I now consists of me going to his hospital room and cuddling until we fall asleep, I have become very knowledgeable on matters of the brain and over all health, and I rarely have a moment of true relaxation. Donte and I once valued and prioritized in a certain way, and although at the time, the things we valued were of great importance, now we are understanding what truly matters; life has a funny way of using certain situations to clearly allow you to differentiate "wants" and "needs."
As many things that have changed in my life, there is a lot that hasn't changed at all. My parents are still crazy about each other, my friends are still positive and would still do any and everything to demonstrate their love and support and I still have the most amazing husband in the world who loves me for me. Most importantly, even through this horrible situation, I still feel extremely blessed.
My husband is an amazing man and he is the strongest being that I have ever met in my entire life. I love him irrevocably and this situation has truly shown me the strength of our love and the importance of the vows that we made to each other on our wedding day. My husband and I were blessed when we met in 2007- because we were able to find love in its purest and truest form at the ages 18 and 20. There are some people who go their entire lives without finding love, there are people who die in pursuit of love. When things were a little more unknown with his medical stability and condition, I told my mother that as much as I want Donte to live, if he doesn't, I would not hold any hostility towards God or towards Donte because at the end of the day, I had found the love of my life and was able to spend a half decade with him by my side making memories filled with love and laughter. I told my mother that for that simple fact I was extremely blessed. Now that I know that Donte is in a wonderful medical position and now that I know he is progressing beautifully, I feel even more blessed because as lucky as we were to find love in each other the first time, we are even more blessed that God has allowed us a second chance at life and love again. I can firmly say that through the pain and tears that this situation has caused, my husband and I are falling in love with one and other all over again.
Sometimes in the darkest of tragedies, one finds the most blessings..
(Donte actually said that to me once..)
(Quick Donte Update: Rehab is going well- Donte is working hard and is a patient and pleasant individual to work with. His team of doctors, nurses, and therapists met today to discuss his progress. They have concluded that they expect Donte's stay to be between 4-6 weeks long, so by using that length of time, I have configured that Donte's discharge date will either be on April 17, 2013 OR May 1, 2013. He is getting his "tent" bed removed because he has been quite vocal in letting those around him know that he feels like a "caged dog in a kennel." In addition he has been able to eat 50% or more in all of his meals since he came to Rehab and has been taking his medication orally, crushed up in applesauce so they are looking to remove the feeding tube as soon as possible. Donte still requires maximum assistance on a majority of his movements but his therapists are saying that they are feeling more of his efforts to assist in every day movements and balancing.)
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Day 1 in Rehab
Well, Donte has officially survived his first day as a Rehab Hospital patient. Let me preface by saying that he moved down to Rehab yesterday and when I saw him during my lunch hour, before he moved to his new room, he told me that he was nervous to go to Rehab. Donte just advising that he was nervous set me into a state of anxiousness myself. I wondered if he was REALLY ready and I wondered how well he would do. I was calling the hospital every hour on the hour just to insure that he was acclimating to his environment well. And to my surprise, he was. All night the nurses said he was patient and cooperative. He was calm and spent the night watching basketball.
Today, when I saw him, it was after work, I thought to go during lunch, but opted out of that because I didn't want to excite or overwhelm him on his first day with new therapist and a full load of Rehabilitation. When I finally saw Donte he was having dinner in a dining room with other Rehab patients and he was laughing and engaged. When he saw me he smiled, waved and blew me a kiss. I told him not to rush dinner and that I would be waiting for him in his new room. When he came into his room, he told me he had a good day, he showed me his schedule and told me how hard his schedule was. He told me he stretched in PT (Physical Therapy) for and hour, he told me he assisted in grooming and dressing in OT (Occupational Therapy) for another hour and then her worked on a louder voice in Speech Therapy. Donte told me he was tired.
I was so impressed with how talkative he was today and I did not have to prompt him as much for information. He even told me that he made friends at dinner. He remembered his friends names. Then he even asked me about my day.
But that is not even the BEST part! Donte caught me mid sentence and whispered "I can move my left leg now..."
I thought I heard him wrong but then he moved his left leg; he lifted it up in the air and then put it back down. When I asked him to do it again he did it immediately on command! He has not been able to do that consistently. He says it came back to him this morning. I cried like a small child because him moving that leg just made its possible for my husband to not only regain movement in his left arm, but also to walk out of this hospital. Although his left leg movement is significantly weaker than the right, it is still movement and If you have ever dealt with a TBI on any capacity, you will quickly understand that any movement is a miracle and means the world.
The moral of the story is that his brain is still healing and the progression is still coming. If this first day is an indication of what his whole stay will be like, then we should expect nothing but great things from my miracle of a husband, Donte Miranda-Baltimore.
Stay strong, Stay safe, Take care, and Have HOPE!
Kelli
Today, when I saw him, it was after work, I thought to go during lunch, but opted out of that because I didn't want to excite or overwhelm him on his first day with new therapist and a full load of Rehabilitation. When I finally saw Donte he was having dinner in a dining room with other Rehab patients and he was laughing and engaged. When he saw me he smiled, waved and blew me a kiss. I told him not to rush dinner and that I would be waiting for him in his new room. When he came into his room, he told me he had a good day, he showed me his schedule and told me how hard his schedule was. He told me he stretched in PT (Physical Therapy) for and hour, he told me he assisted in grooming and dressing in OT (Occupational Therapy) for another hour and then her worked on a louder voice in Speech Therapy. Donte told me he was tired.
I was so impressed with how talkative he was today and I did not have to prompt him as much for information. He even told me that he made friends at dinner. He remembered his friends names. Then he even asked me about my day.
But that is not even the BEST part! Donte caught me mid sentence and whispered "I can move my left leg now..."
I thought I heard him wrong but then he moved his left leg; he lifted it up in the air and then put it back down. When I asked him to do it again he did it immediately on command! He has not been able to do that consistently. He says it came back to him this morning. I cried like a small child because him moving that leg just made its possible for my husband to not only regain movement in his left arm, but also to walk out of this hospital. Although his left leg movement is significantly weaker than the right, it is still movement and If you have ever dealt with a TBI on any capacity, you will quickly understand that any movement is a miracle and means the world.
The moral of the story is that his brain is still healing and the progression is still coming. If this first day is an indication of what his whole stay will be like, then we should expect nothing but great things from my miracle of a husband, Donte Miranda-Baltimore.
Stay strong, Stay safe, Take care, and Have HOPE!
Kelli
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
The "Tent Bed" Situation
It is very common with TBI's for the survivor to begin to become more aggressive as they become more aware. It is also common for the survivor to become more focused on their more primitive needs (i.e., eating, using the restroom, sometimes even sexual needs as well).
Donte has certainly come a long way in recovery over the past 6 weeks on the Acute Neuro floor, however over the past two weeks, Donte's primary area of fixation has become escaping the hospital. Realistically, he is fully aware of his current physical deficits; he KNOWS that he can not stand or walk on his own and he KNOWS that he has very minimal range of motion (if any) on the left side of his body. However, that does not stop him from making numerous attempts to flee the hospital.
The restraining issue began a few weeks back when Donte still had his trach tube in place. Donte kept touching it because he wanted it removed. That resulted in a mitten being placed on his idle right hand. Donte then figured out that he could reach his right hand to his mouth and remove the mitten. After numerous nurses going into his room bewildered by the fact that the once secured mitten was now floor bound in his room, the mitten was removed for a period of time. In this time Donte figured out that he could reach his right arm over the bed railing and take the railing down enough so that his right leg could hang off the bed. When a nurse found him doing this she asked him why he was doing that and he voiced that he was "trying to escape." That resulted in Donte getting extra bed guards. The bed guards were large, padded and Carolina blue and were wedged in front of and secured behind the actual bed railings to obstruct Donte from pulling down the railing. Donte advised that he "felt like a lab rat." He figured out a way to remove the side bed guards and learned that he could use his right hand to push the button on the side of his bed to lift the side of the bed that his torso tested on far enough so that he could attempt to reach the bottom guards. My mother found him contorted like a pretzel one day while he was attempting to unhinge the bottom guard. After a few attempts of him pulling off the guards, the nursing unit ordered a "tent" bed. This is a bed that is inside of a box with mesh on it and is securable from the outside only. Donte hates this bed and advised that he feels like a "dog in a kennel." Unfortunately for his safety, he will be going to rehab with this contraption. Although I hate to see him in such an uncomfortable situation, I am happy that he is cognitively aware enough to be able to plot an escape and get through two out of three obstructions that the nurses threw at him. Below are some pictures of the mitten and the bed that he is currently in.
Stay safe, Stay strong, Take care and Have HOPE!
Kelli
Donte has certainly come a long way in recovery over the past 6 weeks on the Acute Neuro floor, however over the past two weeks, Donte's primary area of fixation has become escaping the hospital. Realistically, he is fully aware of his current physical deficits; he KNOWS that he can not stand or walk on his own and he KNOWS that he has very minimal range of motion (if any) on the left side of his body. However, that does not stop him from making numerous attempts to flee the hospital.
The restraining issue began a few weeks back when Donte still had his trach tube in place. Donte kept touching it because he wanted it removed. That resulted in a mitten being placed on his idle right hand. Donte then figured out that he could reach his right hand to his mouth and remove the mitten. After numerous nurses going into his room bewildered by the fact that the once secured mitten was now floor bound in his room, the mitten was removed for a period of time. In this time Donte figured out that he could reach his right arm over the bed railing and take the railing down enough so that his right leg could hang off the bed. When a nurse found him doing this she asked him why he was doing that and he voiced that he was "trying to escape." That resulted in Donte getting extra bed guards. The bed guards were large, padded and Carolina blue and were wedged in front of and secured behind the actual bed railings to obstruct Donte from pulling down the railing. Donte advised that he "felt like a lab rat." He figured out a way to remove the side bed guards and learned that he could use his right hand to push the button on the side of his bed to lift the side of the bed that his torso tested on far enough so that he could attempt to reach the bottom guards. My mother found him contorted like a pretzel one day while he was attempting to unhinge the bottom guard. After a few attempts of him pulling off the guards, the nursing unit ordered a "tent" bed. This is a bed that is inside of a box with mesh on it and is securable from the outside only. Donte hates this bed and advised that he feels like a "dog in a kennel." Unfortunately for his safety, he will be going to rehab with this contraption. Although I hate to see him in such an uncomfortable situation, I am happy that he is cognitively aware enough to be able to plot an escape and get through two out of three obstructions that the nurses threw at him. Below are some pictures of the mitten and the bed that he is currently in.
Stay safe, Stay strong, Take care and Have HOPE!
Kelli
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